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The day I return home.

October 24^th, 2023

“Imagine a mother cradling her children at night, the fear of separation looming like a shadow. Trying her best to protect herself and her family, so that they do not become a memory. Yet, our story is only a memory now, but the future has yet to be written. When I wake up tomorrow, I want this to end, so we can return to the sanctuary of our home.”

For the past 17 days, 34-year-old Shahd and her children have been on a harrowing journey to protect themselves from the relentless shelling. They have moved from one makeshift shelter to another seeking safety. Shahd and her children have joined thousands of others crammed into these makeshift shelters, with limited supplies, no electricity, and no place to sleep. Today, they reside with over 100 co-workers and their families in two shelter apartments. They have electricity for a few hours during the daytime, but by night, the power cuts, temperatures drop, and they have nothing. They do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Shahd has worked for UNDP’s Programme of Assistance to the Palestinian People for 10 years and has spent her entire life in Gaza. This city has been her home, this is where she grew up, got married, and is now raising her children. Yet, the day she fled her home, it felt different, as if a chapter was closing forever.

“It was heart wrenching to leave my home, uncertain if we would ever return safe, or if we could return to find our homes still there after the ongoing massive destruction. It's very complicated in many ways. It has so many implications and its complexity weighs heavily on us, affecting our lives and the choices we make as Palestinians living in Gaza.”

Shahd’s journey from one emergency shelter to another reveals the grim reality of a humanitarian crisis.

“There is a real humanitarian crisis. Shelters are beyond capacity, thousands of people in a small space. We could not find anything to use there. No mattresses, no pillows. Water was very scarce. The toilets were clogged and of course there was no food for people. It was very inhumane for us and others,” Shahd added. “We spent one night there and shared a space with a colleague, her children and my two children. It was dark, no electricity, no food and no connection and most importantly, no safety.”

Approximately 600,000 people are sheltering in some 150 UNRWA facilities throughout the Gaza Strip – and the number continues to grow. These buildings are not equipped as emergency shelters. Families’ basic and essential necessities like electricity, water, fuel, energy and medical services are out of reach.

The ongoing war on Gaza has taken a devastating toll on civilians. More than 5,000 Palestinians have lost their lives, with the majority being children, women and the elderly, with more than 15,000 people injured. While many are buried under rubble, others are buried without identification of their names.

“I lost two cousins, my cousin Yousef, a handsome young man whose child, Misk, is now an orphan, and my cousin Abeer with her two children, leaving another two alive struggling to live without her. The day we lost them, I held the phone in my hand, read the news and their names were not mentioned. They were just numbers. But for us, they have names, they were humans, loved ones, part of our family whom we will never forget,” Shahd said.

Since the conflict began, an estimated 1.4 million of Gaza's 2.2 million residents have been displaced. Stores are running out of supplies due to the high demand for food and water.

Shahd has been separated from her husband and the rest of her family. She lives with her two children in an emergency shelter, while her husband and the rest of the family live miles away in a less secure area, and not by choice. She worries about them every single moment.

“My husband and his family don't have access to electricity nor internet. My husband sends me SMS messages and asks me to update him on the news because I have access to some sources. Every night I try to sleep. I wait until it's 8 a.m. so that I can have access to internet to check the areas, names or families that were targeted, hoping that the name of my family, my husband, won't be on the list of casualties.”

While she is on the run, Shahd continues to try to serve her community, resilient in the face of adversity, even while she is unable to find a safe place in her own city and neighbourhood.

“I hope that the world will not just see us as numbers, or humanitarian aid seekers, but as individuals with stories and dreams. I ask the international community to listen and understand what's happening here and stop this war.”

“In our sleepless nights in the shelters, we all often wonder what we are doing here, how we ended up here. We long for our right to return to our home, Gaza. The Gaza we love and miss!”

Shahd El-Swerki works as a Communications Associate at UNDP office in Gaza.

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The day I return home.

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